Healing and Toxic Relationships
Wounds from our relationships that are left unhealed, return through other relationships. Knowledge is power and brings the ability to let go once the area in need of healing is acknowleged. We will continuously bring situations and circumstances back to ourselves that have been left unhealed, until they are healed, or the lesson has been learned. We do this through our connections with others.
We should naturally evolve to others we are compatible with, but this doesn’t always happen. Instead, often, we find ourselves attracted and even feeling “pulled” towards another who, astrologically speaking, we are not at all compatible with from any aspect throughout our whole natal charts. These relationships are our most challenging ones, and often in hindsight, bring the most growth. Though they are certainly not always harmonious relationships, we may still feel compelled to continue on for much longer than most who care about us think we should.
There are many traditional therapists out there, who will tell others, this “abuse” is brought on by self, and there is a choice as to whether we allow ourselves to be in such relationships. While in many cases, this is very true, there is often something much deeper than even those situations that cause us to have destructive tendencies in regard to our relationships. I want to share with you another way of looking at these relationships, that may cause you to better understand how you’ve ended up in one.
The law of attraction states we attract what we are. I often hear others say things such as, “If we attract what we are, then how did I attract him/her? I am nothing like that!” It actually doesn’t mean that you attract someone like yourself. What it does mean, is those ultimate deep down feelings about yourself come into play with what type of relationship you attract to yourself.
To heal from a relationship that has become toxic takes many steps, but initially starts with actually realizing the relationship is toxic, and acknowledging that fact. The real work can then begin to take place within. If you find you are attracting the same type of toxic relationships over and over, there is deeper healing that needs to take place within you in order to stop this cycle. Until you have healed within and started to look at yourself in a different light, you will continue to put yourself through these acts deemed “self abuse” by the therapy world.
What is a Toxic Relationship?
To put it very plain and simple, a toxic relationship is one in which physical, mental, or emotional abuse takes place. Physical abuse is quite self explanatory, however, often people are so used to certain behaviors or treatments they fail to even break free from the cycle long enough to realize they are being mentally or emotionally abused. In case you have become “comfortable” in your toxic relationship, below are some reminders of what types of traits a toxic relationship may hold.
Being demeaned in public, in front of friends, or even in private
Being a scapegoat for another’s frustrations
One’s decisions and/or actions being controlled by another through manipulation or fear tactics
Any type of physical abuse
Extreme jealousy and/or possessiveness
Constantly worrying what your partner will think or how he/she will react to the decisions you make to the point, you will not make your own decisions
Knowing you need to leave the relationship but not doing so, and/or constantly leaving the relationship, but returning even though everyone who loves you expresses concern in your doing so
Discourages your relationships with friends and family, and/or tries to isolate your from others
Drug and/or alcohol abuse
Being blamed for everything that goes wrong, even his/her own behaviors to include the way you are being treated by your partner
Tries to control you or manipulate you into doing what he/she wants you to do instead of what you want to do
Feeling pressured to have sex, or having sex, and/or participating in sexual activities you do not feel comfortable with
While these are a few signs of an abusive or toxic relationship, they are certainly not all. There are, of course, also varying degrees of abusive qualities within a toxic relationship. There are those who will look at these signs, and think to themselves since there are only a couple, the relationship doesn’t qualify as toxic, however, if ANY of these signs are true about your relationship, it is toxic, and the relationship will continue to progress in a negative direction.
The message within any toxic relationship is self love. Learning to love yourself will release you from attracting relationships that are harmful for you.