One of the most important lessons we can learn in order to bring ourselves more happiness and less disappointments in our lives, is to accept others for who they are.
I see in my practice, constantly, others who make themselves truly miserable expecting another person to be someone they simply are not.
Albert Einstein once said, “Insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different result!” Although, I am fairly certain, Mr. Einstein did not have this particular situation in mind at the time of his quote, I find it very fitting in this instance as well!
If you know every time you invite this certain friend to a social engagement, the person says they will come, and always finds they are unable to, then why are you so disappointed each time it happens? And why, do you take it so personally?
Perhaps the person you have invited has a social phobia they find embarrassing, and because everyone in his/her life has always pushed them on the issue, they are unwilling to tell anyone the true reason for their not coming, so they accept, thinking they will be able to brave it this time, and truly intend to try to go, but at the last minute, they panicked, and made an excuse and did not attend.
There are always reasons for behaviors, and rarely, are the reasons solely to hurt another. Most often, the reasons, are in fact, just as painful to the person who you feel is inflicting hurt upon you.
Another example, is that you trust another person over and over with information you really do not want others to know, thinking that this time the person can hold your confidence in the utmost of importance. You talk to this person, because you feel comforted in doing so, and are constantly hurt, when you find this person has broken your confidence.
Perhaps the person you told your secrets to over and over, is simply not able to keep secrets. Perhaps this person speaks out of concern for you, and needs to talk with someone because now they are worried, or they actually think they are helping you by telling others!
Or perhaps this person is here to learn valuable lessons in relationship to gossip or disloyalty. Whatever the reason, it’s time to stop expecting this person to be different than they are.
Each of us have strengths and weaknesses. We can always find other things about others that are rewarding, rather than expecting a strength where there is a weakness.
A great deal of unhappiness stems from expecting from others. What most do not realize, though, is this type of anger, disappointment, etc. does not stem from the other person. It stems from within.
If these types of situations are constantly happening to you, then it is time to go within and examine from there. Try learning to accept others for who they really are and delighting in their strengths, rather than expecting them to be someone they are not.
Through our love and compassion for others, our judgements and expectations that keep us caged, can be released.
